Is your happiness conditional


A good number of years ago when I was still struggling with myself, a friend of mine at that time asked me a very good question that stuck with me till date. She said, “Tissa, why is it that your happiness is conditional?”

That is a very provocative question. I had not noticed that my happiness was conditional but she had. And looking back today, yes she was right, it was pretty conditional back then.

What does it take to make you happy? Or what does it take for you to be happy? Have you ever thought about those questions?

A feedback message given by one of my readers pointed out how good positive things don’t always happen in life. So the question was how then is it possible to just be happy?

True, very true; however, it is not the things happening around you that should determine your happiness. It is rather the way you react to the circumstances surrounding you that will determine your mood.

I fall slightly on the small side for my age and status in society as a working mother of five children. And my voice is slightly small, kkk. I remember some time back a friend of my husband called and I picked up the phone since he was bathing. And his friend said, “Hie, kindly give your phone to your father, please”. Now that was pretty annoying.

The other day, I walked into a certain bank hoping to open a new account for my internet transactions. The customer care personnel looked at me and said, “Sorry, all the plans we are offering have very expensive monthly charges that you cant afford”.

“How much is the lowest plan?”, I asked.

“Sixty Kwacha per month, ” That’s roughly about $3 per month!

I don’t want to talk about how insulting that was, or how the conversation ended, but I didn’t tell him that I am a Physiotherapy degree holder under formal employment, no. I actually walked away with the advice he had given me to open a charge-free account from the vendors outside. Why not? Who doesn’t like free things right? So long it served its purpose well.

Anyway, why am I telling you all this?

Because if you depend on what is happening around you to be happy, you will never be happy. I receive reception of various sorts; from humiliation, rejection to amazement, and admiration. In the past, I would whine whenever I got a negative reception. It would definitely affect my mood and increase my levels of pessimism. However, I realized that circumstances should not determine my happiness.

True some situations are pretty bad, like the loss of a loved one. But we don’t lose loved ones every day. And even when we do there’s always time to recover from the grief and move on.

The most powerful tool you possess is your mind. It is the key to your happiness and your future. You can not achieve happiness with negativity. Bad things happen to all of us. But why is it that others get up and continue to be happy while others stay down till their demise?

It’s all in the mind.

What then does it mean to make your happiness conditional?

Conditional happiness is an if-then kind of happiness. It’s when you think if this happens or if I get that, then I will be happy.

Happiness is really a choice. Articles on how to be happy like the one I wrote recently are meant for guidance. Others have just decided to be happy without going through introspection. But others need the guidance, the latter must read articles such as these.

Getting a mate, a six-figure job, a pear-shaped body, buff pectorals, or taut round buttocks won’t make you happy if you are not happy right now where you are. Because what happens when you happen to lose what you had chased after for so long? Because life is about gain and loss.

I got to choose to be a happy soul regardless of what manner of reception I get from people. So long I present myself appropriately and within acceptable and integral standards. After all, I can’t control how others feel about me.

How about you decide today to be happy regardless of the circumstances around you?

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