CLICK HERE TO LISTEN
Satisfied needs make a satisfied man. A satisfied man makes a happy husband, and that will make you happy too, no? I strongly think yes! That is why you and I are going to look at how to make your husband happy by satisfying his needs.
Just for clarity, I’m not one of those people that believe only a man has to be pleased in a relationship. I strongly believe a relationship should be mutual. The two parties must live for each other. Having each other’s best interests at heart. That is why I have written about how to make your wife happy for the menfolk. Click here to access the article.
Now, you must understand that it is not your duty to make your partner happy if they have been unhappy all their lives. You are the custodian of your own happiness as an individual. So don’t get into a relationship with the idea that your partner will solve all the happiness puzzles that you have never ever solved on your own. You may only end up dragging your partner down into your abyss of discontentment. If you are unhappy in life, click here to read on how to be happy.
Ideally, get into a relationship with an idea that you and your partner will complete each other. Not that he/she will complete you, no. You have to complete each other.
Satisfy his needs to make your husband happy
In any given relationship especially marriage, it is the need for each party to be happy. But we often miss the point. We seldom meet the needs of others in order for them to be happy. And when they cheat or leave, we are like, how could he?! I gave him everything!
I do not support cheating no matter the reason. If you don’t love someone or you can’t stand them, just leave. It’s more honorable than cheating.
Previously, I wrote on the five basic human needs. You can read about them here. I talked about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs presented in a pyramid that looked a lot like this.
So today, we shall apply this pyramid specifically to your husband and how you can make him happy by satisfying his needs.
How to make your husband happy based on his needs
So you have been with your man for some time, and you have noticed that he is unhappy. Why could that be? When you have provided him with everything including quality sex? Well, perhaps you forgot that your “everything” is not his everything. You might not be loving him at his terms. You might be giving him your idea of love and happiness. And you forgot to consider what his idea of love and happiness might be.
Perhaps you are newly wed and you want to go about this whole “happy husband” business the right way. Well, I’ve got some good solutions for you.
So to better understand what your man needs, we will look at the five basic human needs, bearing in mind that these needs are generic. To succeed in making your husband happy, you have to custom them tailor-made for him. Simply because we all value and perceive things differently. Love should drive you to learn your man and what feeds in the five slots. If you still don’t know, start learning now.
Also, we will tweak the needs in the pyramid below by slotting in a man’s needs instead of the generic human needs.
Satisfying physiological needs
Usually, most of the physical provisions such as shelter, food, and comfort are covered by the man. However, this is not always the case, sometimes the woman may be the breadwinner or may have a higher income. If you are in a higher financial position than your man, provide the necessities with a smile.
Enjoy sex with him regularly
But there’s this one really major physiological need that your husband needs to have breadwinner or not. Sex. I’ve come across some married women who complain about how much their husbands love sex. I don’t want to sound rude but duh! What did you expect? Doesn’t every functional grown man love sex? Moreover, if you are not providing him with this very important physiological need, where else do you want him to get it from?
If you think he married you because you are gorgeous or for some other fancy reason, you are mistaken. Most men (unless otherwise) think of one thing when setting off looking for a wife; a reliable, stable, and accomodating woman with whom he can enjoy unlimited legal sex with.
Don’t create 101 reasons why you can’t give him some. Don’t pretend to be sick, don’t make a routine, and don’t fake your enjoyment. Learn to enjoy sex with him. Men really treasure knowing that they are capable of pleasing their women.
Satisfying safety and security needs
Allow him to be vulnerable to you
By default, women think men are all brave, macho, and confident. But the truth is, men, get scared too. They can be insecure over something such as their physical appearance, their “game” or financial status. They too have fears and they need a woman that makes them feel safe and secure.
Be strong for him
As women, we want a man that can be strong for us when we are weak and can tell us everything is going to be alright when we are afraid. So does your man! It’s not always that he will be strong. And he needs to feel safe to expose his weaknesses to you. Try to be his shoulder when he needs one, his pillar of strength when he’s weak, and his source of comfort when he is at his lowest. There are times when he will cry. Make him feel it’s okay for him to let his guard down.
Avoid entertaining other men
No one wants to live in fear of being replaced. Avoid flirting with other men. He may act like he doesn’t mind, but trust me he REALLY does!
Don’t abuse your man
Physical abuse used to be a man’s thing, but guess what, even the women are doing it now. Crazy right? Physical, verbal, mental, or emotional abuse can threaten one’s safety and stability in a relationship. When you scream at him from sunset to sundown, that’s abuse. Or when you do the silent treatment, that’s mental torture and a form of mental/emotional blackmail.
Don’t give him the silent treatment
Not only is it a form of abuse, but it will most likely push your man away.
Click here to find out more about the dangers of giving silent treatment.
Avoid making threats
Stop threatening him to leave if he doesn’t buy you a car, or a shiny new… thing. If you want to leave, just leave. But if you know you are never going to leave him, stop singing about it every single time that things don’t go your way.
Other things that are likely to cause insecurity include; being judgemental, lies, unforgiveness, being controlling, paranoia, over criticism, and drama.
Satisfying self-esteem needs
Trust me, you don’t want to be in a relationship with a man that has low self-esteem. Men with low self-esteem may try to cover up with violence(wife batterer), dictatorship, over-possessiveness, pettiness, substance abuse, unfaithfulness, arrogance, among other things. Simply because he wants to prove his superiority or strength. You can read about the signs of low self-esteem in a man here.
Some men are okay until they meet a woman that brings them down and crushes their ego. Don’t be that woman. Be the woman that builds her man.
Avoid making comparisons
Avoid comparing your man to your ex, your male friends, your brothers, your father, your boss, or your neighbours or your best friend’s husband. Don’t compare him to anyone or anything at all. If your ex was better than him, perhaps you should have married him instead.
Frequently initiate sex
Remember the number one basic physical need for men? Which is sex. Well, if you will have him begging for it every single time, you are damaging his ego and pulling down his self-esteem. Try to initiate the act at least once every week. He needs to know that you need and want him as much as he does you and there’s only one way in which you show that.
Admire him openly
Make passes at him, tell him you find him attractive and downright handsome. Flirt with him and genuinely admire him. That will make your husband very happy. Men are natural hunters, they find pleasure in wooing a woman. Present opportunities for him to woo you. Frequently dress up for him, look pretty and clean.
Be his friend
Play with him, do with him the things he finds pleasure in, and invite him to do with you what you like. Be interested in his activities and don’t judge his idea of fun. Let him be himself.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable sometimes
Most men still get turned on by the vulnerability of a feminine woman. They do not want to be involved in a battle of wits or authority. Vulnerability triggers the protect and provide instinct in them. Every man has a natural driven need to feel important. and if you can let him protect you, regardless of your social status, you are taking his self-esteem high. And you will be the one to reap the results.
Avoid being petty
I know that he may not do things the way you would want them done but don’t make a fuss about it. Amplify all his achievements and try to overlook his shortcomings. Especially those that he has no control over.
Every man has his own definition of respect and he really needs it. Someone said among all the emotional needs of a man, the most important one is respect. But one thing is for sure, yelling at him in public is not respect at all. The public includes children or family members.
Show that you trust him
Trust him to handle things that you care about so much. If and he messes up, of which he most likely will give him another chance.
Make him feel important
Every man needs this. Tell him how much he means to you and how much you appreciate him as a man. If there’s a place of solace a man should have is his wife. When the world beats him down, he needs to know that you believe in him. He needs to know that you need him.
Don’t constantly talk about his failures
Be his number one fan and personal cheerleader
There’s a famous saying that behind every successful man is a woman. Well, this saying is 85% true especially if the woman is cheering her man on and giving him the drive to succeed.
Satisfying love and belonging needs
Believe it or not, it’s so hard for an average human being to find belonging in this mysterious place called earth. So if your man has settled down with you, he probably feels like he can find belonging-with you. Make the world a happy place for him.
There’s nothing more unwelcoming as a nagging woman. Nagging is whining and complaining about every petty issue. It creates a sour and toxic environment. Men don’t do so well in an environment that is full of shouting, screaming, and drama. They feel suffocated and usually do all they can to avoid such places. If your home is such a place, he’s likely to treat your home like a relay station. Or he may simply look for peace and sanity elsewhere.
Make him feel loved, appreciated, and cherished
He may not be “perfect” but you can build him to suit your needs. And this is not done by psychotic control techniques, over possessiveness, or petty demands. The best way to win your husband is through respect, love, admiration, and patience.
Give him a hug first thing in the morning, welcome him with a hug when he gets back home. Smile at him more often, laugh and play with him. Don’t pick unnecessary fights with him. A man needs his peace!
Even men like to be held, did you know? Hold and touch him. Spoil him. He loves it just as much as you do.
Give him a chance to love you the best way he knows
You probably have your own definition of how you want to be loved. But once in a while, allow him to love you the way he wants to. Allow him to show you what he can do for you, you may just find that you like it.
Occasionally give him his space
Now do not assume that his whole world revolves around you. Give him some time to bond with others such as friends and family. Avoid smothering your man, he needs his space sometimes. Everybody does.
In an event where your spouse has children from a previous relationship, you have to ensure that you do not come in between the parent-child relationship no matter how hard it is.
Satisfying self-actualization needs
This is defined as the realization or fulfilment of one’s talents and potential which is the highest level of psychological needs. Self-actualization is achieved when one reaches full potential.
As the term entails, this need is achieved by oneself. You as a woman cannot achieve this for your husband. However, you play a very big role in helping your man reach his full potential by being supportive.
Usually, this starts with a childhood dream. Like a little boy who has always dreamt of being a writer simply because it makes him feel alive, purposeful, and happy. But because of life demands, he finds himself in another field and married to you but he talks about writing every single day.
Encourage him to pursue his dreams
Don’t tell him how much he’s wasting time or how much you think he has a mid-life crisis. Help him to self actualize, to find himself, and to reach his full potential. Don’t be the one to kill his dreams. Build his dreams into reality.
Let me know what you think about this guide on how to make your husband happy. Feedback from men will be highly appreciated. Let us the women folk know if the information above is true or not. Thanks for reading.