15 signs of low self-esteem in a man


Following the rise in domestic gender-based violence, I felt inclined to highlight of the 15 signs of low self-esteem in a man. Because of the nature of a man, exceeding levels of low self-esteem may turn to be a danger to him, his partner and the community.

Self-esteem is your evaluation of your own worth. Or simply the opinion you have about yourself. Low self-esteem is capable of damaging one’s quality of life. Most toxic relationships involve a party with low self-esteem resulting in increased levels of gender-based violence and crimes of passion. This article will highlight 15 signs of low self-esteem in a man.

The biggest problem with a man that has low self-esteem is that he will appear to be so full of himself, selfish, or self-absorbed. Why is that? Because he spends most of his time worrying about his self-image and how to fit in or how to fix it. This may leave him little time to think of something else like other people’s needs for instance. And sadly, most of the things he may do for his loved ones or those close to him may be to satisfy his fragile ego… which is seldom satisfied.

Low self-esteem often causes insecurity issues in relationships. Have you ever dealt with an insecure partner? Such a relationship is full of drama, jealousy, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, constant breakups, and makeups. These are some of the signs of a toxic relationship and is not good for your mental and physical well-being. Be careful not to mistake low self-esteem for humility. There’s a big difference.

Causes of low self-esteem in a man

While some studies show that low self-esteem can be inherited, most cases arise from a person’s childhood and background. It is during the process of growing up that one defines himself and discovers who he is. If he does not learn to love and appreciate himself from childhood, he may never get to love himself in adulthood. The childhood environment plays a significant role in how your son will perceive himself as a person. if you are a parent reading this article, you may want to read 14 signs of bad parenting styles and how to fix them. This will help you identify some parenting styles that suck the confidence and self-worth out of your little ones.

Below are some causes of low self-esteem in men;

  • Toxic home background
  • History of abuse
  • Failure
  • Body image; he may not like the way he looks or his body build.
  • Body function; he may not have confidence in how his body functions especially sexual performance.

I once read a book many years ago titled, Man is suffering and woman don’t know it. This is so true, I would add to it by saying, Man is suffering because woman don’t expect him to have emotional issues. But this is the very reason why he is suffering. Because as women, we have a stereotype kind of thinking that all men are supposed to be macho, manly, and emotion/psychologically strong. Because of this, we women miss the probable root cause of certain behaviors in our men.

15 signs of low self-esteem in a man

If you are looking for a life long partner, it’s important that you choose wisely for your own sake, that of your offspring and the community. It’s cardinal that you select a man who is emotionally and mentally healthy for the sake of your happiness. So I will share some signs that you should look out for.

If you are a man reading this and you have these signs, you just have to work on your self-perception for you to have success in your relationships. Otherwise, you might have one failed relationship after another. Or if she stays, it’s either she is scared you might do something irrational if she had to leave you, or she loves you too much that she has sacrificed her own happiness for your ego. Read achieve happiness before you find a partner and 15 Strategies on how to improve your self-esteem. You may also find these self-love quotes useful. You might also want to subscribe to get the latest future articles on self-esteem in your mailbox.

Bear in mind that for you to conclude that someone has low self-esteem, they must exhibit three or more of the signs below. Do not make a conclusion based on one trait. Below are the 15 signs of low self-esteem in a man.

He’s abusive

A man with healthy self-esteem uses his strength to protect and not to harm. One with low self-esteem will want to throw his weight around by intimidating other people or defenseless people just to feel in control. When he is not even in control of his own self.

He will also threaten you often with phrases like; if I find you with someone else I’ll kill you. Or if you leave me I will kill you and kill myself. And believe it or not, he is likely to do it. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Someone will never tell you something they have not considered. And it’s not in the heat of the moment, he means it!

He cheats

Why does he cheat? Because he may want to prove to you that he can, or he may want to prove to himself that he is desirable. It’s similar to most promiscuous women. They flirt just to prove to themselves that they are desirable and may end up having multiple partners to feel worthy, beautiful, and lovable.

People with low self-esteem are attention seekers. So he may find himself seeking attention away from you.

He may also cheat because he simply can’t say no when a woman shows interest in him. He feels lucky and somehow worthy every time someone shows an interest in him.

He’s overprotective

Because he feels inadequate and unworthy of love, he may tend to be overprotective and overly jealous of his woman. Low self-esteem has a way of making one paranoid at every point. He will always live in fear of you discovering that he has low worth (but it’s all in his head) and you might find somebody worthy hence leave him. That makes him insecure, irrational, and extremely petty. Some men take extreme measures just to make sure that they have you all to themselves. This is suffocating and may cut you off from friends and family.

He’s needy, clingy, and insecure

As stated earlier, individuals with low self-esteem are attention seekers. He may make irrational demands of your time and attention. He will also demand that you spend your time with him alone, no one else. in extreme cases, even your family members are a threat to him. He is worried about what they will tell you about him. Or that they may take you away from him. He is in constant fear of being replaced.

He’s a liar

In some cases in order to feel worthy, he may constantly fabricate stories about his achievements and his possessions. He may also find himself constantly covering up petty mistakes with lies for fear of losing you.

He’s controlling

Men with low self-esteem may get as petty as a highly hormonal woman or an egocentric three-year-old child. They will make a big fuss about every little thing you do unless you do it their way.

Usually, the relationship has to go his way least he throws a tantrum or sulks or reacts in an irrational way. Psychology tells us he does this so that he may have control over his external environment to compensate for his lack of control over his internal environment. Controlling you may be the only way he may find worth and satisfaction in life. It is every man’s desire to feel important and competent. He may satisfy this need by controlling or manipulating you such that you feel like you desperately need him.

He’s addicted to porn

A man with low self-esteem often turns to masturbation than to seek sexual satisfaction from a partner, hence is usually addicted to porn. This is because of the lack of confidence in his sexual abilities or capability to satisfy a partner sexually. He may opt for self-satisfaction than risk the shame of trying it out with a real partner just to underperform. Also, he may not have confidence in his sexual tactics hence will opt to watch a lot of porn with the aim to “learn” how to please a woman. Unfortunately, porn is addictive and he finds it hard to refrain from it at a later stage.

He’s a substance abuser

15 signs of low self-esteem in a man

Most substance abusers have low self-esteem and the most common being alcohol abuse because he hides behind the intoxication facade. He may feel that he is a better and more fun person when intoxicated or under some influence. When himself, he lacks confidence and opts to be overly introverted or moody.

He blames other people

A man with low self-esteem rarely or never admits when he’s wrong and often blames others for his mistakes. He rarely admits that he is wrong even when he evidently is. He may blame you for his insufficiencies in the relationship and put you down making you feel inadequate.

He’s a stalker

Because of the lack of self-confidence, a man with low self-esteem often stalks the people that he likes rather than coming upfront and communicating his interests. This is because he doubts his own worth and doubts if you would see any worth in him. This is the other reason why some men with low self-esteem may be rapists.

Because after stalking and wanting you for so long, he may opt to just taking what he wants whether you want it or not. A man with healthy self-esteem will never force himself on a woman. Because he knows his worth and his integrity is greater than his ego.

He speaks negatively almost about everything including himself

He will constantly make self-degrading remarks such as you’re out of my league, I can’t believe you are still with me, or why do you even love me?

Or he will talk about how stupid, dumb, or weird he is. He may also complain about everything or everyone around him. Apparently, he may feel like everyone around him is wrong and he is right.

He’s arrogant and stubborn

Oh, my word! There’s no one as stubborn and arrogant as a man with low self-esteem. Because he is constantly putting himself down in his own head, he feels like everyone else around him is out to get him. He won’t listen to advice, he won’t seek advice and he won’t admit to you when he messed up right after you warned him. He wants to prove to himself and others that he can do it on his own.

He enjoys putting others down

Most bullies have low self-esteem and they hide this by making other people feel bad about themselves. He may constantly put you down to damage your self-esteem so that you feel like you are lucky to have him. Or that he is the only man that is capable of loving someone like you. Which is not the case.

He performs poorly in bed

15 signs of low self-esteem in a man

Sexologists have proven that low self- esteem may cause erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation in men. Low self-esteem affects the quality of sex in both men and women.

In conclusion

Now, this is not to say that all men with low self-esteem may be toxic or bad somehow. I have highlighted these signs so that as a woman, you are aware when what you are dealing with is bigger than what you can handle. You must also take steps to help improve your man’s self-esteem. Also, avoid staying in a toxic relationship to avoid gender-based violence or passion crimes for your own peace of mind and a sense of wholeness.

For the men that have realized that you are somehow exhibiting signs of low-self-esteem through three or more of the signs above, take steps towards self-improvement. I have recommended a number of articles you can read to help yourself. Also work with your woman to improve your self-esteem.

Thanks for reading, please do let me know what you think of this article by dropping a comment below.

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