I would love to dedicate this mothers day to every mother out there who can relate in part or fully to the narration given below. I’ll also be sharing 13 ways of caring for your mental health as a woman that may be having a hard time getting a grip on life due to circumstance. You are stronger than you think and you have every chance to a happy life as everybody else does.
I want you to know that not everything is your fault and you have to stop beating yourself up for things that you might have had no control over. Of course, some things might have been a result of certain mistakes, but you can’t continue beating yourself up. It’s time for you to rise above the past and your pain. You can choose to nurture your mental health now and have a chance at happiness with what is left of your life.
The struggles of a woman
My mother was a typical housewife with insignificant academic education. For as long as I could remember, she was never in good mental health. Her life was one of anguish, pain, fear, tears, anger, loneliness, and constant drama.
On two occasions she left home (well as far as I can remember); when she returned from her first plight, I accused her of not having love for us. I mean why would she leave a perfectly good family and venture out into the cold relentless world with nothing but her hide? Young as I was, I still remember the look she gave me; the sadness, the sorrow. I can never forget that look.
In more ways than one, I was always angry with mom for failing to manage her home as a woman, her failure to keep dad home and to provide a cosy happy home as other mothers (such as my friend’s mother) provided. I mean how hard can that be right?
When I look at the trends of life today, my heart often bleeds out for mom; her incompetence, her apathetic nature and every other negative that came along with her parenting skills were a result of a broken heart, a wounded spirit, a really unhappy, bitter, and hopeless woman.
Like many women today, she was a victim of mental pain, failed hopes, dreams, passions and an unfulfilled desire to be loved and accepted as a woman. She watched herself hopelessly fail in her parenting duties, not because she was incapable but because the world had been unfair and ruthless to her. Circumstance had not given her a chance to be the best that she could be.
How to care for your mental health
This can be the starting point of your healing. Victory starts in the mind. Battles won mentally manifest physically. To help you achieve this, I have given you 13 ways of caring for your mental health below.
Forgive yourself
No matter the magnitude of dirt in your past, there comes a time when you can not ruminate anymore. You have cried yourself to bed enough and now your days of self-pity have to come to an end. Burn that box of shame that you often crawl in and never return to it. Forgive yourself completely and try to forget all your failures and other things that you might be accusing yourself of. Allow yourself to fall in love with you again. Discover ways on how to learn self-love here.
Forgive your partner
Some of the women that might have failed in motherhood have a history of an abusive or negligent spouse. Their unfortunate outcome might have been provoked by merciless actions or infidelity from the husband. If this is your case, try to forgive him for the sake of your mental health. The more you hate him, the more you hurt yourself. Your breakthrough may come when you forgive and let go. I’m not saying you forgive and crawl back to abuse. If you have walked away and moved on, you can still forgive without going back.
Forgive your children
Often times as a child, I would blame mom for everything that we went through and no matter how she tried to defend herself or show that she was trying, I just didn’t understand. But now I do. If your children still give you a hard time, don’t reign anger and fury on them. One day, they will see and understand what you are going through. And they will give you the love and respect that you deserve. It’s hard to see the truth when one is young. Forgive them if they have caused you any form of pain or sorrow.
Always talk to someone
Don’t suffer in silence, you are not alone. Even if the person that you speak to may not necessarily solve your problems, talking about issues always help. Always reach out to someone whenever you are down.
Practise self-care; look good
A lot of good comes out of looking and smelling great. You will feel good about yourself and boost your self-confidence. If you have neglected yourself over time, clean yourself up. Treat yourself to a spa day, do your hair, change your wardrobe, join a dance class or a gym and allow life to seep back into you. You deserve to live not merely existing or just waiting to die.
Practice gratitude
A lot might have happened to bring you down to ashes but surely there’s some good left somewhere. If you have to, look for every good thing existing in your life and be grateful for it every day. Be grateful for your life too because it’s about to get a whole lot better especially if you begin to care for your mental health. Learn how to practice gratitude here and download a free 30-day gratitude challenge.
Quit alcohol or start cutting down on addictive substances
You might have found solace in alcohol, smoking or drugs. Perhaps you abuse prescription drugs for a certain purpose. Alcohol and substance abuse invites mental health illnesses that may be hard to treat eventually. You are better off avoiding them. It’s wise for you to cut down on addictive substances with the vision of quitting. If you find it hard to quit on your own, don’t hesitate to seek help from a rehabilitation centre or support groups.
Eat healthy
Physical and mental health work hand in hand. You can not have one without the other. Eating healthy gets your various body systems to function optimally and lessens random aches and pains. Remember to drink water regularly too.
Exercise often
It’s been proven scientifically that exercise is a good way of warding off moody days, anxiety and depression. Regular work out routines will keep your spirits up and your mind at its best. If exercising is hard for you, try dancing or yoga.
Exercising and dancing improve self-esteem, self-confidence, and releases endorphins which are “feel good” hormones. Thus creating good therapy for escaping depression, sadness and stress. It has also been proven that physically active individuals have lower chances of acquiring a mental illness and have a better chance at emotional and mental wellbeing. So get your body moving girl!
Get rid of toxic relationships
Toxic relationships are those that always leave you feeling bad about yourself or cause you to despise and doubt yourself. You must get rid of all such relationships. Including those that leave you feeling more lonely than you feel when you are literally alone.
Start a new hobbie
Hobbying is a good way of avoiding rumination and negative thinking. Getting busy with something you enjoy doing will give you little or no time to indulge in negative thinking or ruminating over the past or your failure. Who knows, you might even start making some money out of your new found hobby.
Avoid stress
The best way to get rid of stress is to first start by identifying your stressors and getting rid of them. Prolonged stress is a sure recipe for mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
Pray often
God loves you and he cares for you much more than you think. Holding on to faith and hope is essential for good mental health. It makes it easier for you to feel grateful for the good things in your life and to find peace. There are people that have peace in the midst of adversity because they hold on to something that can never be shaken by circumstance. You can be one of those people.
Life is often never easy for a mother because you are obligated to live your life for others such as children. In whichever situation or state that you are in, I want you to celebrate yourself as a woman. You are three things; beautiful, strong, and important. Happy women’s day beautiful soul!!!
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Thank you for sharing such a personal story of your mom, it resonated with me, reminded me of what I also thought of my mom when I was younger, now I see everything differently, and yes forgiveness is so important!
Thank you so much for reading. True, as a youngster, we are often oblivious to the emotional and mental struggles that our parents go through. To an extent where we might add to the stress and pain. It’s only when one grows up and realises that life is not a fairy tale ride, especially if you have to fake a smile just to fit in.